The Lonely Fourth Trimester
During the first three months after the birth of a baby, the period commonly referred to as the fourth trimester, moms are at their most sensitive and fragile time. The major changes taking place both internally and externally can be overwhelming and emotional to say the least. In today’s society, moms are more or less left to their own devices to navigate this time period, leaving them to feel sleep deprived, isolated and alone in a world they were just born into.
It is common for moms struggling with feelings of insecurity and isolation to turn to social media and various websites for advice and perhaps in search of connectedness to the greater motherhood community. However, these avenues are frequently dead ends that can make a mom feel even more alone than when she started her quest for support.
Social Media May Help, but a Support Group Might Be Better
In recent years, we have seen many posts on mom-blogs, internet-based groups and apps, and websites calling out the commonness of postpartum depression, anxiety, as well as motherhood isolation and loneliness. This ‘motherhood honesty’ internet trend is certainly better than the alternative where we’d see only mom-successes, and what worked best for others. However, articles, posts, threads and memes are not enough for new moms. They often leave out the physical and emotional struggles moms may have gone through to land in a successful place. Moms need real live support, discussion, connection, advice from both moms and professionals so they can make an informed choice for their family; and most importantly, a listening ear and safe place to go with their baby.
The Fourth Trimester Support Circle is Born
The Fourth Trimester Support Circle™ is a six-week group developed by Long-Island based motherhood wellness center The Nesting Place as a means of providing both peer to peer and professional support for new mothers. The program aims at reducing a new mom’s isolation and insecurities by offering an ongoing organized forum for new moms to build connections with other new moms, and learn evidence-based information from doulas, maternal mental health experts, women’s health physical therapists and other professionals. In this six-week group, the same moms meet for an hour and a half every week for six-weeks, and this often leads to strong friendships that extend far beyond the series.
Led by a postpartum doula, the Fourth Trimester Support Circle is a healthy balance of both peer and professional support. Each week the focus of the group varies. Experts in various fields who are experienced in working with mothers join as guest speakers to provide information on the topics such as adjustment to motherhood, postpartum depression and anxiety, pelvic floor health and sex after baby, and infant development. This professionally led model provides a point person in both the facilitator and speakers, for moms to connect with whom they can either work with independently or consult with after sessions for additional referrals.
This type of connection and trust is what moms need to help because it is much more effective and less overwhelming than starting from scratch with a google search or message board post, for example. Our Fourth Trimester Support Circle™ is specifically for new moms. Moms are free to breastfeed, bottle feed, get up and rock baby, change baby, arrive early, arrive late, cry, laugh, and just be themselves.
A Focus on Maternal Mental Health
Mental health is a topic many new moms don’t often discuss openly, especially at a time when they often feel they should be feeling nothing but love and happiness about their new baby. By creating a safe environment for new moms, the Fourth Trimester Support Circle™ offers an opportunity to open up and express how they are truly adjusting to life as moms including their mental health questions and struggles.
Often moms are much more candid in person, sharing their toughest moments and anxieties, offering a listening ear, real advice, and expressions of sympathy for other mother’s struggles, while truthfully sharing her own. We believe it is possible that in-person peer support, coupled with professional guidance can help to prevent or early identify signs of any perinatal or postpartum depression or anxiety.
For these reasons, each Fourth Trimester Support Circle has one session dedicated to mental health where a therapist who specializes in maternal mental health joins the conversation to speak about perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, and answer questions about mental health concerns, treatment options and resources. Moms leave feeling less guilty and more empowered by knowing that all moms struggle to some degree.
First time mom Linda struggled after the birth of her first baby in 2019. She attended Fourth Trimester Support Circle and shared about her experience “I want to shout from the rooftops what a positive impact it had on my postpartum experience. We live in a digital world and that just wasn’t going to cut it when it came to postpartum life.” She shared “I have an amazing personal support system but I still needed to add to my village! I really appreciated the instant camaraderie, it was so nice to be understood.”
Lifelong Friendships are Born in the Fourth Trimester
C.S. Lewis once said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” And nothing is closer to the truth for new moms. Building a sense of connection is integral to a mother’s healing after birth and well-being as a new mom, be it her first or fifth time.
Kristen, a new mom from Cutchogue, New York participated in the Fourth Trimester Support Circle and shared “Everyone was so warm and welcoming, very open and able to share very personal thoughts and feelings. Everyone respects each other and we have really become good friends.”
By finding a community among moms experiencing many of the same things they are, new moms can feel less alone during their postpartum time. The participants are all in a very similar phase of life, no matter their past experiences going into motherhood. Hearing other moms share their struggles and triumphs helps another mom to gain the confidence she needs to come into her own as a mother. It’s also an opportunity to share little, everyday tips that can really help another through a problem she may be struggling with. The bonds that are formed in the Fourth Trimester Support Circle, where a mom can be herself, vulnerable and candid, can be lifelong.
